Saturday, June 15, 2013

Longest side note of my life. (Although probably not, I've probably written longer things in parentheses before... I like parentheses! Go go grammar!)

This post makes me feel a lot better about the state of America- there are more libraries and museums in the U.S. than there are Starbucks and McDonalds.  Here's a map:

Check it out (haha like a book from a library, get it?)  I'm so funny! 

I guess the next step for the U.S. is getting the kids and 20 somethings who are, lets face it, a bunch of assholes (yeah, I'm in that group. I know what I'm part of.  I'm writing about myself thinking that a whole bunch of people on the internet will be super fascinated and amused by my anecdotes.  Tell me thats not something a 20 something asshole American would do.  And then tell me that children aren't douchebags when they aren't looking cute all asleep or laughing when the dog sneezes or holding hands with their grandpa.  They can be real assholes sometimes.  Scientific fact: that is why God made humans think the weird, lets be honest- misshapen, baby's face is so cute- so we would feel genetically compelled to take care of the obnoxious things.  I'm not joking, that is a fact I learned on a documentary once.  Dogs have evolved to have similar characteristics to a baby so that humans would feel compelled to take care of them.  And look how well they are doing.  Jerry Seinfeld once told a joke about how if an alien spaceship landed, aliens would assume that dogs were running the show because humans were walking around picking up dog's poop.  I gotta say, he's not wrong there.  Wow that was a long side note- I bet you even forgot that this was all in parentheses didn't you?)

Anyway, look at the map of libraries and museums, then take your kids there by bribing them with the promise of a Happy Meal later if they are quiet.  Which they probably won't be.  And you'll probably still buy them a Happy Meal after. 

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