Saturday, February 2, 2013

Day Drinking

Today is Winter Carnival.  If you aren't familiar with Whitefish, every year we have a couple weeks of crazy events, "royalty,"  and treasure hunts that culminate in a big parade down main and a beer barter.  Its pretty sweet.

I love the parade now that I'm a grown, drinking woman.  There was about 10 years there between childhood and drinking age that it kind of sucked ass, but no more!  It made me think deeply about day-drinking, though.  Once you reach 25 or get married (whichever comes first), day drinking is no longer socially acceptable.  It's called alcoholism.  Not a pretty word.

25 is coming up pretty fast, so I'm living it up.  But once 25 hits, what will I do??  Really appreciate day-drunk loopholes, thats what I'm going to do!  For those of you that have passed the golden years, I've created a comprehensive list of these loopholes so that you can really appreciate them, too:

1. College Football Games
No, you don't have to be tailgating or at the stadium, although that helps.  Hundreds of thousands of underage college kids are wasted to the point of being escorted out of the stadium by cops at 11:45 a.m., which means the rest of the country can tastefully enjoy a beer or two.

2. Super Bowl
Go ahead, get together with your buddies (or complete strangers) in somebody's living room or a bar and get a little tipsy.  That's what all the infamously fatty Super Bowl snacks are for: soaking up the alcohol so that you can go to work without a hangover the next day. 

3..... Okay, football games in general- NFL, college, it doesn't matter.  Football and beer are to America's middle class what peanut butter and jelly are to 5 year olds.  Drink up!

4. Your Birthday
I don't think I really need to explain this do I?  You can get away with a lot on your birthday.

5. Camping
What else are you going to do in the middle of the woods?  You can only stare at a bonfire for so long before conversations get a little dull.  And hiking is overrated.  You don't have to drive anywhere, there's no TV or internet to entertain you, and you are sleeping under a thin layer of polyester.  Anything could happen.

6. St. Patrick's Day
It's a day set aside for public drunkenness.

7. Winter Carnival!
Pretend royalty are driving down the street, trashy "Viking" ladies are walking around kissing everybody on the cheek for "protection" from Yetis, and, oh yeah, its cold as fuck and we're voluntarily standing outside for 4+ hours.

Now, please excuse me while I go pour my adult beverage and get silly!  Happy Winter Carnival!

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